Welcome back guyyys!
I’ve been so busy, finishing up my uni work, work deadlines (never stop), my 25th and then my sister got married! Finally free now. (As if I was in jail before lool)
Now let’s talk about forgiveness..
Gosh I used to be so bad when it comes to forgiving! Thinking about it now I’ve actually been delivered, I’ve been set freeeee. I could hold a grudge for the whole of UK lmao! I’d go for months without talking to my sister or brothers even though we live in the same house. (That’s just stressful)
I still struggle with it to an extent but I’m sure we all do. It doesn’t mean I don’t know the right thing, It’s just easier said than done.
What is forgiveness?
Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offence, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well. – Wikipedia
I don’t usually trust Wikipedia but this definition makes sense.
Three keywords from this definition are intentional, voluntary and victim.
You need to deliberately want to forgive someone, it can’t be forced. The rest will be easier once you choose to forgive. Forgiveness is all about you (the victim) and nothing to do with the other person. It’s a choice you have to make whether you think the person is deserving of that forgiveness or not. This will take time as you’re not expected to just forgive someone a day after they hurt you. Allow yourself to be angry if you want to be angry! It’s all part of the process.
When you finally decide to forgive you set yourself free from being in that bitter state of mind every time a name is mentioned.
The moment you make the decision to forgive you’ll realise the way you interact with that person will change. However, this will depend on the type of relationship you have with them, if they’ll remain in your life or not and the extent of what they did.
Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Types of forgiveness (from my perspective)
- Those you forgive and wish well from afar – the set of people that don’t make any effort to rectify their faults. Some people might not even admit their faults, this makes it more difficult for you. How can you forgive someone that doesn’t even think they’ve wronged you? You can choose to forgive even if it’s not asked for.
- Those you forgive and still able to love and form a genuine relationship with – some people hurt us unintentionally. This type of forgiveness is more linked with reconciliation because both the victim and offender are ready to move forward.
- The type of forgiveness I can’t speak on – Some people have been hurt badly that it’ll only take the grace of God for them to move on (For those that believe in God). They’ve been deeply hurt that the person is unworthy of their forgiveness. A quick definition of the Grace – Grace may be defined as the unmerited or undeserving favour of God to those who are under condemnation.” So you see how only God can help you with this type of forgiveness.
To make it easier…
Think about a time someone forgave you for hurting them. Surely you must have wronged someone in the past! Whether intentionally or unintentionally.
What forgiveness isn’t
- Forgiveness is not an emotion you assign a timescale to, the pace at which you choose to forgive someone can be influenced by the severity of what they’ve done so take your time if you need to but remember not to take too long.
- Forgiveness doesn’t mean accepting the wrong.
- Forgiveness isn’t a form of weakness
- Forgiveness isn’t trust – this will take time, they’ll need to earn that trust again.
- Forgiveness isn’t authority – choosing to forgive doesn’t mean you get to control them, you might as well not forgive in the first place.
My new approach…
- I can’t change the past – sadly what’s done is done.
- Learn a lesson
- Grow from it
- Let go
- Move on
You don’t need to forget when you forgive, you need to be in a space where you remember the situation without getting angry. it’s important to be cautious and not let the same thing happen again.
Do you guys find it easy to forgive? Let me know your thoughts.
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You may also like my previous post on FRIENDSHIP